Pocket Gay Guy: March 2011

Yes it's true, once upon a time Lindsay Lohoan (or The LowHam as I prefer to refer to it as) has been photographed previously showing off her knife fetish. Photos with friend Vanessa Joy Minnillo television host "True Beauty" Season 1, model, actress & former Miss Teen USA, playing with knives. Do they think it's dark, goth, and sexy? ... If it were anyone else... maybe.

No... No Cocaine, No Drug problems... Completely... Normal.

WARNING: If you see "The LowHam" do NOT use flash photography as it will charge! It is OKAY to feed the LowHam as it has probably ingested 12 pounds of crack cocaine. Do not make body contact with the LowHam as it is a host of a variety of nasty STD's and VD'S, as well as Pantie Crickets, Lice, Mites, and a light case of multiple personality. Above all else... STAY AWAY FROM THE LOWHAM!

Ten Pieces of Advice to The LowHam from Pocket Gay Guy:

1.Give it up LowHam, grab up a tissue and blow that cocaine out of your nose girlfriend!

2.Put the knives down or freaking cut something already!

3. Don't go to court with "Fuk You" painted on your finger nails.

4. Always...ALWAYS wear a bra when in public...ALWAYS!

5. Tell the media if they give your parents one more drop of publicity you will never give them an interview again!

6. While the subject of your parents is open... dump them. They are money hungry, vicious, rare creatures called "stage parents." They are the cause of at least 35% of the reason you have so many screws loose. That and the alcohol.

7.... The Alcohol lose it too.

8. We the people are so happy you stopped singing. We weren't listening anyway.

9. Stay blonde. Ginger hasn't worked for you since The Parent Trap.

10. Lastly, pack your bags and get out of Hollywood! Get on the closest greyhound, and haul your ass to the nicest trailer park that will have you Sister! One with the shiny mailboxes at the entrance of the trailer park where you can pick up your disability checks due to your cocaine addiction that you never kicked.